With the Wrench
by PhoenixOwl
Summary: A murder has been discovered within Zuko's manner. Can Detective Sokka uncover the murderer?  A crack fic.


_This is the product of stressing for a Math final in the afternoon and a serious lack of sleep at three in the morning. It's based around the 1985 Clue movie, especially the ending. I am told it's funny enough, so hopefully you guys agree. And now it is time for sleep._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar. I'm not making money off this. I do however see pink unicorns dancing around my room and a great red tomato shouting curses at me. Oh dear._

_Also: this story contains slight Zuko/Aang. Nothing super ultra gay, but the undertones are there. If you don't like it, I just met a pink unicorn that would like to pay you a visit. Anyway, enjoy._

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><p>The body lay sprawled on the floor, a large bloody lump rising from the temple. Blood stained the plush dining hall carpet, and the room was already beginning to stink of a corpse.<p>

Zuko bit his lip as he watched Lt. Detective Sokka lean over the body. A hand had disappeared into his scruffy beard as he examined the corpse.

"Do you... do you see anything?" Zuko asked impatiently. He still couldn't believe it. A murder in his manor! Nothing this exciting had happened since he and Aang had... well... Zuko blushed just thinking about the event.

"I see a corpse, my dear man," Sokka replied. "The lump makes it hard to identify, but by the curvature of the victim's mouth, I would say she was most likely female."

"The breasts sort of indicate that," chirped Aang. The younger man grasped Zuko's hand tightly, and he appeared rather unnerved by the sight of the corpse. Zuko couldn't blame him. He himself felt as pale as a raw chicken.

"Yes, those as well," Sokka nodded. "A very good observation, Sir Aang." Sokka then moved away from the corpse and began examining the bloody floor. With the delicacy of one accustomed to being near crime scenes, he picked up a large wrench lying under the mahogany dining table.

"Is that..." Zuko felt his stomach churn slightly at the images that sprung into his head. Beating someone over the head with a wrench while their victim screamed in pain and horror would be rather unpleasant, he thought.

"Yes, by the blood smears, I would think this to be the murder weapon," Sokka nodded to himself. "I must test this for fingerprints!"

Sokka began rifling through his large green... purse? Pulling out a small case with a triumphant "Ha!" he began to dust the wrench for fingerprints, leaning in close. Zuko couldn't help but be nervous. Could finding the culprit be that easy? Who would the murderer be? Hopefully no one on Zuko's staff...

"Aha!" Sokka exclaimed, straightening from his work. "I believe we have a match!"

"You have a... wait..." Zuko frowned. The man hadn't consulted any sort of computer or fingerprint file. "How do you know?"

"Sir Zuko, I happen to be a great detective. Do you not think a great detective such as I should not not have every finger print in the history of everything memorized?"

"Oh..."

"Of course we will need added proof," Sokka continued. He turned his attention to the wall, where there was a couple odd blood smears marring the white paint. "Aha!"

Crossing the room to the wall, he pointed at one of the smears, twisting his head to look at it from all angles. "This handprint. Yes. The size and shape are unmistakable!"

"It... doesn't look like a hand print to me..." Aang muttered. The younger man looked squeamish. _The blood must be getting to him,_ Zuko thought.

"It doesn't?" Sokka mused. "See, if you twist your head at this sort of angle," Sokka demonstrated accordingly, "and omit the ring finger and the pinky finger, it definitely resembles a hand. Obviously the suspect brushed the wall with his hand on the way out!"

"Are you sure?" Zuko countered. "Shouldn't the evidence be a little more concrete?"

"Ah," Sokka waved dismissively. "Forensics isn't an exact science. We have a killer to catch. We're not solving the mysteries of Quantum Mechanical Phooey!"

Zuko frowned again. Was this man really the best in the business?

"You called the murderer a 'he'," Aang piped up, his voice rather weak. The effects of the murder was most likely affecting him. "How can you tell?"

"How very astute of you," Sokka beamed, raising a finger. "You see, by the shape of this hand, and by the match I acquired from the fingerprint, and judging by the size of those bloody show prints-"

"What shoe prints?" Zuko glanced around curiously.

"Why, these shoe prints," Sokka bent double and pointed at a large blob of blood on the carpet. Zuko had to admit it really did seem to resemble a foot. "With these three pieces of evidence I can decisively claim that the murderer was most definitely probably a man."

"I see." Zuko scanned the room, checking to see if there was anything else he had missed.

Sokka turned abruptly and disappeared into the next room. Zuko and Aang hurried after him. Sokka led them into one of the manor's large kitchens. The room had been cleaned only hours before the murder, and so was sparkling, and still smelled strongly of dish soap and blood remover. The maids were rather clumsy with the knives.

"Most excellent!" Sokka threw his arms up in triumph. "Why, would you look at this!"

Zuko tried to find what the Detective was looking for, but couldn't.

"What is it?" he asked, a part of him not knowing if he wanted to know.

"Evidence, my dear Sir Zuko the Third," Sokka replied. He pulled a pair of tweezers from his beard and slowly plucked something from under the large prep table. Standing back up, he held it out for Zuko and Aang to see.

"Thread?" Aang noted. He pulled himself closer to Zuko, slightly afraid of the thin thread. There had been a sewing incident a few years back... Well, that's a flashback for another time.

"Of course," Sokka grinned. "This thread is blue. I would bet money that the murderer was wearing something blue at the party last night."

"But there were a lot of people at that party," Zuko pointed out. "The thread could have belonged to anyone." The murder had occurred the night before - or so they believed - near the end of the annual ball Zuko and Aang threw for the city's most rich and sociable.

"Nonsense," Sokka waved. "Who is the detective here? Now, with this evidence, I believe I have our murderer!"

Once again Detective Sokka slipped from the room. By the time Zuko and Aang caught up with him in the main hall, he was speaking quietly to the butler. The butler, a tall, muscular man, nodded at whatever Sokka was saying and then disappeared deeper into the house.

"Where is he going?" Zuko inquired.

"To fetch our murderer, of course," Sokka answered, crossing his arms in a satisfied manner.

A moment later the butler returned, restraining none other than the Lady Katara. She squirmed in the man's grip, and her expression looked none too happy.

"Your sister?" Zuko raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, the evidence matched perfectly!"

"But you said the suspect was a man..." Aang put in. His face had paled further. No doubt Aang didn't want to think about getting caught between Sokka and an angry Katara. Zuko was feeling much of the same reluctance.

Sokka blinked. "Did I say man? I meant woman. A simple error in communication, I assure you." He moved forward, standing in front of Katara.

Katara glared up at him. "Just because I'm richer than you doesn't give you the right to falsely accuse me of murder..." Katara said. Her voice was like ice, and sent a shiver down Zuko's spine.

"Oh, you think I would lean so heavily on sibling rivalry?" Sokka chuckled. "I am a respected detective, after all. No, Katara, my dear sister. The evidence fits you perfectly."

Zuko took a hesitant step forward. "Um... detective. I don't mean to contradict you, but your sister was ill last night and chose not to attend the ball, remember?"

"Obviously she was faking," Sokka countered. "Observe the murderous look upon her face. Does this not suit the personality of a criminal?"

"Actually," a sudden voice boomed. "She was with me last night!"

One of the doors leading out of the main hall suddenly slammed open, and Suki stood in the frame, fists on her hips. She stalked into the room with a scowl.

"Release her at once, Sokka," Suki barked.

"But Suki, my dear, she-"

"You heard me." Suki said again. "Don't make me kick your ass."

Sokka gave a sigh and nodded at the butler. The large man released Katara, whom promptly punched Sokka in the shoulder.

"Ow!"

"That was for attempting to arrest me," Katara snapped. "Be glad I don't do more." She then turned on her heel and stormed out of the hall.

"As I said," Suki explained, resting a suddenly comforting hand on Sokka's unhurt shoulder. "You sister was with me last night. We went shopping to help ease her headache." Suki then punched Sokka in the shoulder she'd been holding only a second ago, and held a finger in front of his face. "You know better than to try arresting your sister."

"Uh-huh," Sokka began rubbing the most recently injured shoulder. "But then, that only leaves one other suspect!"

Zuko shared a curious look with Aang. Now who would Sokka find guilty? Would it be the true culprit?

"Butler... man. Whatever your name is. Please retrieve the Lady Toph Bei Fong for questioning!"

Suki gasped, "It couldn't be!"

Sokka nodded, "But it is."

Zuko countered, "You were wrong last time."

Aang added, "Toph also isn't a 'he'."

A moment later the butler returned with a struggling Toph in tow. He set her before Sokka, one hand remaining on the woman's shoulder.

Sokka leaned in so close to Toph their noses were almost touching and tilted his head from one side to the other, examining Toph. Toph simply stared forward, her blind eyes unseeing.

"Where were you the night of the murder!" Sokka suddenly shouted. Toph blinked as hot air slammed into her face.

"I was here," Toph replied calmly. "At the ball. Remember?"

"I do not," Sokka said. He crossed his arms and began pacing. "You claim to have been at the ball, but you can't dance. You're blind."

"Wouldn't that also excuse me from murder?" Toph raised an eyebrow.

"I do not think so." Sokka stared for a moment longer at Toph, and then nodded.

"Well," Sokka finally said, pushing fake glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I deduce that it was indeed Toph who committed the murder."

"Bull!" Toph shouted even as Zuko's butler moved in to restrain her. "You have no proof!"

"Ahh, but my dear Toph, I do," Sokka smiled wickedly. He leaned down and riffled once again through the... really, was that a purse? He pulled from it a ziplock bag containing the wrench they had found in the dining room. _When had Sokka bagged that?_ Zuko pondered.

"This wrench was found in the ballroom-"

"Dining room," Zuko corrected.

"Dining room. Stained with blood. On it - now really Toph, you were this sloppy? - on it were your fingerprints."

Toph stared in the direction of the bag, though everyone knew she couldn't see it. "That's not mine! You... what... you think I would be that stupid?"

Setting down the wrench, Sokka turned to Toph and said, "A bloody footprint was also found, matching your heel-"

"Sneaker," Zuko corrected.

"Sneaker. You can claim coincidence, but please, leave it for the courts. The murderer was Toph, with the wrench, in the dining room."

Sokka nodded definitively, turning from Toph dismissively.

"Fine!" Toph spat. Tears trickled from her eyes. "Fine, it was me! But that maid was planning to poison Zuko! I swear it!"

"Your lies will get you no where here, murderer," Sokka shook his head. "To think you were capable of such a thing. You may take her away, butler."

As Toph was lead from the room, Sokka turned to Suki and said, "I believe we have unfinished business, my dear." They linked arms and disappeared into one of the doors leading from the main hall. If Zuko remembered correctly - the manor was so large he sometimes forgot where doors led - that door led to a broom cupboard.

"Well..." Aang muttered. His voice was shaking. He must have been unnerved at seeing his friend marched of for murder so abruptly. "I suppose we should get the dining room cleaned up."

"Yes," Zuko agreed. "I suppose we should."

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><p><em>That is how it could have happened.<em>

_But what about this?_

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><p>"But then," Sokka exclaimed, "that only leaves one other suspect!"<p>

Zuko shared a curious look with Aang. Now who would Sokka find guilty? Would it be the true culprit?

"Butler... man. Whatever your name is. Please retrieve the Lady Toph Bei Fong!"

Suki gasped, "It couldn't be!"

Sokka nodded, "But it is."

Zuko countered, "You were wrong last time."

Aang added, "Toph also isn't a 'he'."

A moment later the butler returned with a struggling Toph in tow. He set her before Sokka, one hand remaining on the woman's shoulder.

"Where were you on the night of the murder?" Sokka questioned Toph pointedly.

"What murder?" Toph asked.

"The one which we are investigating, of course," Sokka replied. "the one that occurred last night."

"Well, I was at the ball."

"The ball you say?"

"Yes, the ball."

"Well then," Sokka held up a finger in a manner befitting a proclamation, "I deduce the murderer to be the Butler!"

Zuko stared at the tall Butler, dumbfounded. He had known the man for years! There was no way he could have committed murder!

"Yes, it was I!" the Butler exclaimed, taking a massive step backwards. "I killed the maid, in the dining room, with the mallet-"

"The mallet?" Zuko interrupted. "What about the wrench then?"

"The wrench was a decoy," the Butler snapped. "Do you really think I am stupid enough to leave behind my own murder weapon? And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids!"

Zuko stepped forward, holding an appealing hand out to the Butler. "But, why would you kill one of my maids?"

The Butler shrugged. "Eh, felt like it."

"You felt like it!" Zuko said incredulously. This night was getting more and more insane by the minute!

"But why call Bei Fong?" Suki asked. "If you knew it was the Butler all along..."

"Detain this man, Toph!" Sokka pointed an accusing finger at the Butler.

Toph suddenly swept her leg across the floor, taking the butler's feet out from under him. He fell to the floor with a heavy "thud".

"Who would have taken Toph, a blind, innocent little girl, to be martial arts expert? She was the perfect under cover cop," Sokka explained.

"Actually, we all knew Toph was a martial arts master," Aang protested, moving in closer to Zuko. All the action must have been unnerving him.

"The secret is in the pudding," Sokka replied nonsensically. "Now, Toph, take her away. I believe Suki and I have business to attend to, do we not?"

They linked arms and disappeared into one of the doors leading from the main hall. If Zuko remembered correctly - the manor was so large he sometimes forgot where doors led - that door led to a broom cupboard.

"Well..." Aang muttered. His voice was shaking. He must have been unnerved at seeing his friend marched of for murder so abruptly. "I suppose we should get the dining room cleaned up."

"Yes," Zuko agreed. "I suppose we should."

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><p><em>But this is actually how it happened:<em>

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><p>"But then," Sokka exclaimed, "that only leaves one other suspect!"<p>

Zuko shared a curious look with Aang.

"Butler... man. Whatever your name is. Please retrieve the Lady Toph Bei Fong!"

Suki gasped, "It couldn't be!"

Sokka nodded, "But it is."

Zuko countered, "You were wrong last time."

Aang added, "Toph also isn't a 'he'."

The Butler entered, placing Toph in front of Sokka.

"Where were you-" Sokka began.

There was a sudden crash, and a woman ran into the room from the front door. She placed herself between Toph and Sokka, a gun grasped tightly in her hand.

Zuko's gasp echoed everyone else's. "Who are you?" he asked, feeling rather affronted that someone would break into his manor and pull a gun so suddenly.

"They call me Mai," the woman said. She sounded bored, despite the gun she had aimed at Sokka. "I am a member of the FBISWWCB."

"The FBISWWCB?" Aang muttered, laying a shaking hand on Zuko's arm. He must have been unnerved by the sudden gun, Zuko thought.

"The Federal Bureau Investigative Sorority of Women Who Catch Badguys," Mai replied.

"I see..." Zuko said. "And you are here pointing guns at my guests because...?"

"This man is no guest," Mai answered. "He is a convicted murderer, and is the one responsible for the death of your maid."

Sokka, who had been taking the entire exchange in silent stride, suddenly smiled. "Ah, Mai, it is good to see you again."

"Good my ass," Mai waved her gun to the side, directing Sokka away from the others. "Your mischief behaviour will finally come to and end!"

"No, Sokka!" Suki exclaimed. She attempted to take a step forward but was stopped by the Butler.

"Stay where you are." Mai said. "I'll have no one interrupting my capture this time. This little turkey is mine."

"On the contrary," Sokka shook his head. "I will escape once more. Your gun is out of bullets."

"How can you tell?" Mai blinked. "I just got here."

Sokka pointed above Mai's head. "Your ammo indicator is flashing 0." Sure enough a small 0 was pulsing above Mai's head.

"Curses!" Mai cursed, pocketing her revolver. "However, you will not get away. Not this time."

Without warning Sokka turned on his heel and shot off toward the still open front doors. Mai ran after him, both disappearing into the thick downpour.

"The weather certainly went downhill," Suki noted as she watched her husband run off.

"It certainly did," Zuko agreed. He was still in slight shock at the abrupt events.

"By the way, I made cake," Toph, who had been thoroughly forgotten in the excitement, suddenly said. "Would you care to join me?"

"Very much so," Zuko nodded, much desiring a small refreshment. The Butler led the way into the dining hall and they enjoyed a delicious vanilla pecan cake, despite the festering corpse still sprawled on the floor beside them.


End file.
